I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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