i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
