Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
