it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
