So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
