I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
