Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The Olympian is in my bed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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