yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Found the puke drawer
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
