your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
