heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
