Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
