I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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