id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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