How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
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i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
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I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize