My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
