Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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