we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Sober January is a disaster.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
