i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
