lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
