either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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