No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
