break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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