It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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