I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
