ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Ketchup is God's man juice
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
