:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
