So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
