apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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