I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
