I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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