I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
