i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.