p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"