this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.