The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
