I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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