Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
