You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
