Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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