That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
