he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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