i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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