"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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