Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
