SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
