He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
