Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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