Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
