so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
