i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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