This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
