Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
