They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
