marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
its liver damage thursday
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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