If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This baby is an asshole
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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