The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
