He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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