Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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