Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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