why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pants are for mortals
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
