I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize