I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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