i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
