I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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