...so i touched it.
you would pick up someone in the library
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
