Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
